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Procopio’s Got Talent – Chapter 5 – Nobody’s Perfect

 

It is such a lazy Monday morning – nothing unusual.

Inside the office pantry, Procopio stands unmoving as he stares, without even blinking, at every drop of fine dark liquid dripping into the coffee maker pot. A timid lady officemate with large eyeglasses is slowly about to enter the pantry but she hurriedly leaves the moment he sees Procopio. She is scared to death – having seen an unusually naïve ghost.

A few minutes later, Sands comes in, sees Procopio waiting in front of the coffee maker but nevertheless removes the half-full coffee pot.

“What the hell?!” cries Procopio.

Sands pours all the coffee very slowly inside a large white mug while tauntingly staring at Procopio. Procopio’s jaw drops as she returns the empty coffee pot back.

“So what’s up with the song?” asks Sands.

“Nevermind. Hot chocolate’s a lot better,” answers Procopio.

“I’m asking about your text, dumbass,” says Sands.

“Oh! That one. Nothing,” answers Procopio.

Then Procopio shyly looks away from Sands and proceeds to open several cabinets in search for instant hot chocolate packs. After he has opened all the cabinets, he goes to the fridge and smells the inside for any signs of chocolate. Frustrated, he satisfies himself with a glass of water.

“Chocolate’s sitting on the counter, you know,” says Sands after witnessing Procopio’s amazing display of stupidity.

Delighted to see the thing he has been looking for, Procopio moves to make himself a fine hot chocolate mix.

 

Doog, doog, doog.

 

The two hears sets of heavy steps coming inside the pantry. Procopio holds on tight to the counter as the whole pantry begins to shiver.

Tin enters the pantry carrying a bunch of cookies.

“Fee, fi, fo, fum,” says Sands after seeing Tin.

“I smell the blood of a fat woman,” says Procopio.

After a couple of minutes, the three finds themselves seated in a table sipping their hot beverages and nibbling Tin’s cookies.

“So what’s up with the booty text?” Tin jokingly asks Procopio.

“Say what?” asks Procopio.

“At three in the morning, really?” answers Tin.

“About that,” says Procopio, “I figured out we’ll be doing the acoustic version with me on the vocals and you two witches on the guitars.”

Sands and Tin sip their beverages at the same time while pathetically staring at Procopio.

“Just kidding!” continues Procopio, “You do the vocals and I’ll play the guitar. We’ll start practicing tomorrow. No work for the entire week!”

“You wish!” answers the two girls.

 

XXXXX

 

On their way to their own cubicles, the three passes by Borg’s cubicle and sees him quietly working in front of his laptop.

“Hey Borg!” says the two girls emphatically.

“Hey!” answers Borg in his deep melancholic voice. He flashes a big smile that makes the two girls blush.

Procopio’s eyes go bigger upon seeing Borg’s new shiny black laptop. He suspiciously walks around the laptop and painstakingly inspects it and then loudly exclaims,

“How come you’ve got a laptop?!”

Borg is about to answer but the two girls stand closer in front of him covering Procopio.

“You know how to play the guitar, right?” asks Sands.

“You should totally play for us!” says Tin.

Procopio is having a hard time getting noticed behind the two girls who are covering him. After hearing that the two girls want Borg to replace him as the guitar player, his face turns red in madness. He cannot believe what he has just heard. He gently closes his eyes and slowly packs his lungs with air ready to burst out in scream. And with all his might he shouts,

“WHAT THE HELL?!”

Too bad, Tin and Sands are already several feet walking away from him holding Borg in each of his arms. Procopio gets even more furious seeing the two girls giggling as they talk jovially to Borg.

 

XXXXX

 

Chik, chik, chik.

 

Procopio’s analog desk clock suddenly strikes at three but he’s nowhere to be found. Tin, Sands and Borg’s cubicles sit empty as well. The whole office floor seems busy but not with the usual office work but in preparation of the upcoming Christmas party two weeks from now.

Meanwhile, in a small meeting room around the office corner, a soft angelic voice echoes the following;

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Will help to make the season bright.
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

Do they know that Santa’s on his way?
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh.
And every mother’s child is gonna spy
To see if reindeers really know how to fly.”

 

Afterwards, another voice resonates – but now on a higher pitch and with much more expertise similar to a pro;

 

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Will help to make the season bright.
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

Do they know that Santa’s on his way?
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh.
And every mother’s child is gonna spy
To see if reindeers really know how to fly.”

 

Silence fills the whole room for a minute. Nothing else can be heard aside from the cold air gushing out of the air conditioner.

“Good,” says Procopio.

 

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Procopio’s Got Talent – Chapter 4 – The Christmas Song

Click.

Procopio sluggishly opens an email that has just entered his Inbox on a deadening Friday afternoon. An invitation for a small office Christmas party singing contest burst into his screen but nevertheless it did not excite him a bit.

“BO…ring,” says Procopio to himself as he sees a mosaic made up of various internet-downloaded Christmas-related photos mixed up against a black background entitled “Christmas in Our Hearts”. Several details about the party are written below the invitation but Procopio shows no interest in reading them. He switches his screen to a sixty-page document containing a number of lewd stories about sex encounters. His eyes grow big and refuse to blink as he skims through the pages to find the words “Ooooh” and “Aaaah”. With a big smile on his face, he starts to read the moment he finds a group of words that he is eagerly searching for. He is beginning to feel a bit of pleasure inside him when all of a sudden;

“Choco!” shouts Tin.

Procopio quickly hits Alt + Tab and unknowingly switches back to the email invitation about the small office Christmas party singing contest. He swivels around and sees Tin holding a giant red Christmas ball in her hand.

“I didn’t know you’re SOOO interested in that,” says Tin teasingly as she points out the email invitation flashing in Procopio’s computer screen.

“What’s up with the ball?” asks Procopio as he swipes the red Christmas ball off Tin’s hand and looks at his reflection on the side of the ball.

“We’re just dressin’ up our cubes ‘cause we’re not like you, Uncle Scrooge,” says Tin while Procopio is dumbly putting the ball in his mouth and trying to get lain on his belly above his table mimicking a roasted suckling pig.

Tin is about to kick Procopio’s ass when Sands comes in from behind.

“Hey guys! Let’s join the contest! I’ll be the lead singer. Tin, you’ll be the backup vocals,” says Sands deliriously.

“No! I’ll take the lead. You’ll be the backup!” answers Tin.

“No! I’ll take the lead. You’ll be the backup!” answers Sands.

“No! I’ll take the lead. You’ll be the backup!” answers Tin.

“No! I’ll take the lead…because you’re fat!” answers Sands.

The office lights went off for half a second and sparks of electricity flicker between the eyes of the two girls while they intensely look at each other.

“No! I’ll…

“SHUT UP!” screams the two girls even before Procopio finishes what he is about to say.

Tension continues to build up between the two girls as Procopio’s cubicle starts to shake a bit. The pen holder and miniature toys above Procopio’s desk are starting to drift because of the arising earthquake caused by the two girls when the desk clock at the edge of the table strikes at six o’clock.

“Party Time!” says the two girls in chorus and the trembling immediately stops.

During the night, Procopio is having a difficult time sleeping. The bed screeches frequently as he tumbles himself a lot trying to get a good position. He quits after two hours of doing nonsense flipping and decides to snatch his iPod. Then he spends about an hour or so listening to various music genres and sending himself to a sort of trance when he momentarily hits an unplugged version of a popular song;

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”

“Jack Frost nipping at your nose…”

He barely falls down as he blindly reaches for his cell phone sitting on the desk by the side of his bed. Half asleep and half awake, he unknowingly and bizarrely types a message. Procopio instantly falls asleep at the moment he presses

“Send”.