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Procopio’s Got Talent – Chapter 7 – Philippines’ Got Talent

“Shot to the heart

And you’re to blame,

You give love…

A bad name!”

Jon Bon Jovi’s heart-pumping song packs Procopio’s room as he oddly dances in the showers while holding a shampoo bottle like a microphone. He mimics the wild gestures of a rock star on stage but fails miserably. He slips and almost hits his face hard on the white tiled wall.

“Why don’t you join Philippines’ Got Talent?”

“You should totally join Philippines’ Got Talent!”

“Yeah! Join PGT!”

“PGT! PGT! PGT!”

The three letter shortcut of a well-known local television talent search show echoes inside Procopio’s head as the lukewarm water from the showerhead tenderly drizzles on the top of his head.

After their group’s remarkable performance at the office’s Christmas party, the crowd has only one thing to say. All their coworkers want to see Procopio’s group on TV.

Procopio dismisses the idea of the group joining such a nationwide contest. He is quite a reserved person and does not fancy popularity. He deems the idea as absurd and unrealistic.

After putting his boxers on, Procopio fixes a bowl of milk and cereals. As he lay the box of cereals down on his kitchen table, he notices a half-page advertisement of Philippines’ Got Talent on the broadsheet. He gives a big smirk, immediately sits on his grubby couch and turns the TV on. With his eyes widely opened, he puts on an overflowing spoonful of cereals in his mouth.

“Philippines’ Got Talent is now holding auditions at the following venues!”

The loud announcement flashes on the TV screen and greets him with a bang.

Procopio instantly throws the entire cereals in his mouth back into his bowl. He hurriedly snatches the remote and changes the channel. He finds a funny kiddie cartoon show and settles down with it. He stares at the TV, without even blinking, like a small boy. And after a few laughs, he proceeds to eat his bowl of grimy cereals.

“Yuuuck!” says Tin deafeningly.

She has been chatting online with Sands for about two hours now while lying on her belly on top of her pink bed. The two girls have been ecstatically chattering about their fantastic performance last week. Over the last several minutes, they have been disputing about what song to present should they join the PGT auditions two weeks from now. Tin types another song in response to Sands earlier suggestion.

i dont wanna miss a thing

The song title flashes on Sands 18-inch computer screen right away.

Sands’ long, slender, smooth and slightly tanned legs shine as she puts a deep red nail polish on her right toe nail. She is sitting on a wooden chair, with her right foot raised on it, revealing black laced panties below a presumably braless white college shirt. She notices the message on her computer screen and thinks hardly of a new song. She types using only her left hand and presses the Enter key.

brng m 2 lyf

Upon seeing Sands’ new song on the screen, Tin searches for another song on her laptop’s music library. She finds a popular song and sends it to Sands right away.

Sands quickly glances on Tin’s message and naively replies,

k

XXXXX

After pretending to do some amount of work during the entire day, Procopio finally feels tired browsing his friends’ wall on Facebook. He senses a slight rumbling in his stomach and decides to quietly sneak into Tin’s cubicle. He sees a small pile of chocolate crinkles lying on Tin’s desk. Luckily, Tin has her headphones on so Procopio thinks it’s worth stealing some grub. Procopio walks carefully towards the crinkles and manages to get a piece. He immediately puts it inside his mouth and goes again for another piece.

“Hey!” shouts Tin.

Procopio is caught dumbfounded and with a crinkle in his mouth, the abrupt surprise renders him speechless.

“What do you think of this song?” asks Tin as she removes her headphones and puts them onto Procopio’s head.

Procopio savors the sweetness of the crinkle in his mouth while looking steadily at the pile of crinkles on the table. He finds it hard to pay attention to the song playing on his ears with such sweet delicacies a few feet in front of him.

“Nice,” says Procopio after finally swallowing the gooey mixture of chocolate and saliva in his mouth. He returns the headphones to Tin and goes to grab two pieces of crinkles.

Tin thinks that Procopio is referring to the song but Procopio is really complementing the chocolate crinkles.

“So this is gonna be our audition song then,” happily says Tin.

“Audition your ass,” says Procopio as he leaves Tin to search for something to drink.

XXXXX

That night, Procopio is having a hard time sleeping again. He searches within him the possible reason for his restlessness. He thinks hard for something he might have forgotten to do during the day. He concentrates as hard as he can. His face is progressively turning red. A few drops of sweat are already slowly forming on his forehead. Suddenly, he remembers the chocolate crinkles he ate in the afternoon. It quickly puts a smile on his face.

“Audition your ass.”

Procopio recollects the last words he said to Tin that day. He then remembers the look upon Tin’s face after hearing those words. A feeling of guilt hits Procopio from the inside. He realizes it was his first time ever seeing joy leaving Tin’s face. Her usually jubilant eyes, plump cheeks and blissful lips are now covered with dreadful anxiety and disappointment. Procopio normally sees that kind of look only during funerals but never upon Tin’s chubby face. He decides to apologize to Tin the next day.

XXXXX

Early the next morning, Tin enters her cubicle and sees a bar of chocolate lying on her keyboard. It gradually puts a smile on her face not because of the bar of chocolate but because of the message written on the Post-It note placed on top of it.

“Perfect AUDITION song. – Choco ”

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Procopio’s Got Talent – Chapter 5 – Nobody’s Perfect

 

It is such a lazy Monday morning – nothing unusual.

Inside the office pantry, Procopio stands unmoving as he stares, without even blinking, at every drop of fine dark liquid dripping into the coffee maker pot. A timid lady officemate with large eyeglasses is slowly about to enter the pantry but she hurriedly leaves the moment he sees Procopio. She is scared to death – having seen an unusually naïve ghost.

A few minutes later, Sands comes in, sees Procopio waiting in front of the coffee maker but nevertheless removes the half-full coffee pot.

“What the hell?!” cries Procopio.

Sands pours all the coffee very slowly inside a large white mug while tauntingly staring at Procopio. Procopio’s jaw drops as she returns the empty coffee pot back.

“So what’s up with the song?” asks Sands.

“Nevermind. Hot chocolate’s a lot better,” answers Procopio.

“I’m asking about your text, dumbass,” says Sands.

“Oh! That one. Nothing,” answers Procopio.

Then Procopio shyly looks away from Sands and proceeds to open several cabinets in search for instant hot chocolate packs. After he has opened all the cabinets, he goes to the fridge and smells the inside for any signs of chocolate. Frustrated, he satisfies himself with a glass of water.

“Chocolate’s sitting on the counter, you know,” says Sands after witnessing Procopio’s amazing display of stupidity.

Delighted to see the thing he has been looking for, Procopio moves to make himself a fine hot chocolate mix.

 

Doog, doog, doog.

 

The two hears sets of heavy steps coming inside the pantry. Procopio holds on tight to the counter as the whole pantry begins to shiver.

Tin enters the pantry carrying a bunch of cookies.

“Fee, fi, fo, fum,” says Sands after seeing Tin.

“I smell the blood of a fat woman,” says Procopio.

After a couple of minutes, the three finds themselves seated in a table sipping their hot beverages and nibbling Tin’s cookies.

“So what’s up with the booty text?” Tin jokingly asks Procopio.

“Say what?” asks Procopio.

“At three in the morning, really?” answers Tin.

“About that,” says Procopio, “I figured out we’ll be doing the acoustic version with me on the vocals and you two witches on the guitars.”

Sands and Tin sip their beverages at the same time while pathetically staring at Procopio.

“Just kidding!” continues Procopio, “You do the vocals and I’ll play the guitar. We’ll start practicing tomorrow. No work for the entire week!”

“You wish!” answers the two girls.

 

XXXXX

 

On their way to their own cubicles, the three passes by Borg’s cubicle and sees him quietly working in front of his laptop.

“Hey Borg!” says the two girls emphatically.

“Hey!” answers Borg in his deep melancholic voice. He flashes a big smile that makes the two girls blush.

Procopio’s eyes go bigger upon seeing Borg’s new shiny black laptop. He suspiciously walks around the laptop and painstakingly inspects it and then loudly exclaims,

“How come you’ve got a laptop?!”

Borg is about to answer but the two girls stand closer in front of him covering Procopio.

“You know how to play the guitar, right?” asks Sands.

“You should totally play for us!” says Tin.

Procopio is having a hard time getting noticed behind the two girls who are covering him. After hearing that the two girls want Borg to replace him as the guitar player, his face turns red in madness. He cannot believe what he has just heard. He gently closes his eyes and slowly packs his lungs with air ready to burst out in scream. And with all his might he shouts,

“WHAT THE HELL?!”

Too bad, Tin and Sands are already several feet walking away from him holding Borg in each of his arms. Procopio gets even more furious seeing the two girls giggling as they talk jovially to Borg.

 

XXXXX

 

Chik, chik, chik.

 

Procopio’s analog desk clock suddenly strikes at three but he’s nowhere to be found. Tin, Sands and Borg’s cubicles sit empty as well. The whole office floor seems busy but not with the usual office work but in preparation of the upcoming Christmas party two weeks from now.

Meanwhile, in a small meeting room around the office corner, a soft angelic voice echoes the following;

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Will help to make the season bright.
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

Do they know that Santa’s on his way?
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh.
And every mother’s child is gonna spy
To see if reindeers really know how to fly.”

 

Afterwards, another voice resonates – but now on a higher pitch and with much more expertise similar to a pro;

 

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Will help to make the season bright.
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

Do they know that Santa’s on his way?
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh.
And every mother’s child is gonna spy
To see if reindeers really know how to fly.”

 

Silence fills the whole room for a minute. Nothing else can be heard aside from the cold air gushing out of the air conditioner.

“Good,” says Procopio.

 


Commission on Erections