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Procopio’s Got Talent – Chapter 7 – Philippines’ Got Talent

“Shot to the heart

And you’re to blame,

You give love…

A bad name!”

Jon Bon Jovi’s heart-pumping song packs Procopio’s room as he oddly dances in the showers while holding a shampoo bottle like a microphone. He mimics the wild gestures of a rock star on stage but fails miserably. He slips and almost hits his face hard on the white tiled wall.

“Why don’t you join Philippines’ Got Talent?”

“You should totally join Philippines’ Got Talent!”

“Yeah! Join PGT!”

“PGT! PGT! PGT!”

The three letter shortcut of a well-known local television talent search show echoes inside Procopio’s head as the lukewarm water from the showerhead tenderly drizzles on the top of his head.

After their group’s remarkable performance at the office’s Christmas party, the crowd has only one thing to say. All their coworkers want to see Procopio’s group on TV.

Procopio dismisses the idea of the group joining such a nationwide contest. He is quite a reserved person and does not fancy popularity. He deems the idea as absurd and unrealistic.

After putting his boxers on, Procopio fixes a bowl of milk and cereals. As he lay the box of cereals down on his kitchen table, he notices a half-page advertisement of Philippines’ Got Talent on the broadsheet. He gives a big smirk, immediately sits on his grubby couch and turns the TV on. With his eyes widely opened, he puts on an overflowing spoonful of cereals in his mouth.

“Philippines’ Got Talent is now holding auditions at the following venues!”

The loud announcement flashes on the TV screen and greets him with a bang.

Procopio instantly throws the entire cereals in his mouth back into his bowl. He hurriedly snatches the remote and changes the channel. He finds a funny kiddie cartoon show and settles down with it. He stares at the TV, without even blinking, like a small boy. And after a few laughs, he proceeds to eat his bowl of grimy cereals.

“Yuuuck!” says Tin deafeningly.

She has been chatting online with Sands for about two hours now while lying on her belly on top of her pink bed. The two girls have been ecstatically chattering about their fantastic performance last week. Over the last several minutes, they have been disputing about what song to present should they join the PGT auditions two weeks from now. Tin types another song in response to Sands earlier suggestion.

i dont wanna miss a thing

The song title flashes on Sands 18-inch computer screen right away.

Sands’ long, slender, smooth and slightly tanned legs shine as she puts a deep red nail polish on her right toe nail. She is sitting on a wooden chair, with her right foot raised on it, revealing black laced panties below a presumably braless white college shirt. She notices the message on her computer screen and thinks hardly of a new song. She types using only her left hand and presses the Enter key.

brng m 2 lyf

Upon seeing Sands’ new song on the screen, Tin searches for another song on her laptop’s music library. She finds a popular song and sends it to Sands right away.

Sands quickly glances on Tin’s message and naively replies,

k

XXXXX

After pretending to do some amount of work during the entire day, Procopio finally feels tired browsing his friends’ wall on Facebook. He senses a slight rumbling in his stomach and decides to quietly sneak into Tin’s cubicle. He sees a small pile of chocolate crinkles lying on Tin’s desk. Luckily, Tin has her headphones on so Procopio thinks it’s worth stealing some grub. Procopio walks carefully towards the crinkles and manages to get a piece. He immediately puts it inside his mouth and goes again for another piece.

“Hey!” shouts Tin.

Procopio is caught dumbfounded and with a crinkle in his mouth, the abrupt surprise renders him speechless.

“What do you think of this song?” asks Tin as she removes her headphones and puts them onto Procopio’s head.

Procopio savors the sweetness of the crinkle in his mouth while looking steadily at the pile of crinkles on the table. He finds it hard to pay attention to the song playing on his ears with such sweet delicacies a few feet in front of him.

“Nice,” says Procopio after finally swallowing the gooey mixture of chocolate and saliva in his mouth. He returns the headphones to Tin and goes to grab two pieces of crinkles.

Tin thinks that Procopio is referring to the song but Procopio is really complementing the chocolate crinkles.

“So this is gonna be our audition song then,” happily says Tin.

“Audition your ass,” says Procopio as he leaves Tin to search for something to drink.

XXXXX

That night, Procopio is having a hard time sleeping again. He searches within him the possible reason for his restlessness. He thinks hard for something he might have forgotten to do during the day. He concentrates as hard as he can. His face is progressively turning red. A few drops of sweat are already slowly forming on his forehead. Suddenly, he remembers the chocolate crinkles he ate in the afternoon. It quickly puts a smile on his face.

“Audition your ass.”

Procopio recollects the last words he said to Tin that day. He then remembers the look upon Tin’s face after hearing those words. A feeling of guilt hits Procopio from the inside. He realizes it was his first time ever seeing joy leaving Tin’s face. Her usually jubilant eyes, plump cheeks and blissful lips are now covered with dreadful anxiety and disappointment. Procopio normally sees that kind of look only during funerals but never upon Tin’s chubby face. He decides to apologize to Tin the next day.

XXXXX

Early the next morning, Tin enters her cubicle and sees a bar of chocolate lying on her keyboard. It gradually puts a smile on her face not because of the bar of chocolate but because of the message written on the Post-It note placed on top of it.

“Perfect AUDITION song. – Choco ”


Kuya Kowt’s Love Quotes

You know I like you.

I even care for you.

Sometimes I even think you’re more than just a friend knowing na iba na ang nararamdaman ko para sa’yo.

What if mahalin kita?

‘Wag na lang siguro.

‘Di yata masayang magmahal nang mag-isa.

Sana mahalin mo rin ako.” 

– Anonymous


Procopio’s Got Talent – Chapter 6 – Christmas in Our Hearts

CHRISTMAS IN OUR HEARTS

The large glimmering gold letters adorn the red wall behind the slightly elevated stage in the office floor’s lobby. The entire place is filled with laughter, non-stop chatting and the opulent smell of a sumptuous Christmas feast.

At the side of the stage, a short guy wearing a silly red scarf on top of a casual suit is busy talking to a fat girl wearing an over-the-top shiny red and gold dress. Each of them is holding a set of cue cards which tells us that they are most likely the host of this event.

Not far from the two is a group of girls busily exchanging jeers and teases paired with occasional bursts of deafening laughs. It is surprising to see these typical office girls scantily clad on a regular Friday afternoon.

In one corner of the lobby near the girls, a group of guys with wide taunting smile across their faces are pretty much occupied whispering indecent things to each other. They would swiftly glance at the girls and then whisper nasty things afterwards. The scantily clad girls have no clue that they are the subject of this covetousness.

There are about two hundred people in the lobby but one of them stands out the most. In the middle of the group of supervisors, Procopio’s heavily drunk lady supervisor is doing different stupid things on herself. She would repeatedly drink one shot of tequila, then suddenly fake a fall and then eventually land on the lap of her long time crush, a heavily-built male supervisor – who is already married by the way. The other supervisors find it funny and would constantly cheer them to kiss.

At the buffet table, Procopio is currently engaged in cold cuts and cheeses gastronomic escapade when Tin unexpectedly approaches him;

“Do I look fat?” asks Tin while displaying her green and maroon Christmas-inspired dress.

“Huffppt!” Procopio almost throws the entire mouthful of sausages in his mouth as he barely contains himself bursting into wild frenzy over Tin’s question.

“That’s fine girl but this one’s hot!” says Sands who abruptly appears behind Tin clothed in a very tight scorching red hot jumper.

Procopio swallows everything in his mouth at the sight of the alluring Sands and then leaves his drooling mouth open.

“Aren’t we supposed to be at the backstage right now?” asks Borg who has just arrived at the scene.

“Yeah, we should,” answers Tin with twinkling eyes and a huge smile on her face seeing Borg.

Sands and Tin nonetheless stay at the buffet table throwing themselves at Borg while Procopio keeps on munching the cold cuts and cheeses.

“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen!” exclaims the male host prompting the opening of the afternoon program.

The four continues what they have been doing unmindful of the program.

A few moments after, the office manager gives his welcome remarks.

“Good… year… thanks… Christmas… to us…” are the only words that the four hears as they do not pay attention to what is happening.

After the office manager delivers his speech, the hosts introduce the dance group which proceeds to exhibit a very boring evolution of dance routine. This prompts the four to go at the backstage and prepare for their feat. Procopio, Borg, Tin and Sands narrowly escape a harrowing experience of witnessing a horrible dance catastrophe.

At last, the hosts introduce Procopio’s group. All the girls scream frantically upon seeing the princely Borg carrying an acoustic guitar. In contrast, the boys shut their mouths up upon seeing the erotic Sands. As if nobody notices Procopio and Tin as they take their positions on the slightly elevated stage. The four sets up in a fairly straight row with the two boys taking the outmost sides and the two girls standing in the middle. Procopio sits on his beat box on the left side while Borg sits on the right with his acoustic guitar. Tin and Sands contemplate as they prepare to sing.

Now the whole audience is holding their cell phones up recording the group’s entire performance.

Borg starts the song by gently plucking his guitar.

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”

Sands starts to sing in her melodramatic voice.

“Jack Frost nipping at your nose…”

The crowd feels the depth of Sands’ emotion.

“Yuletide carols being sung by a choir…”

Sands gently hits the high note.

“And folks dressed up like Eskimos…”

The crowd gets hooked up.

“Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe…”

Tin starts to sing her part like a professional singer.

“Will help to make the season bright…”

The crowd gets amazed at Tin’s outstanding voice.

“Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow…”

Tin hits the high note with ease.

“Will find it hard to sleep tonight…”

The crowd is slowly inching towards the stage.

“Do they know that Santa’s on his way?”

Tin and Sands blend together while Procopio starts to give beats to the song.

“He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh…”

The crowd is having goose bumps hearing the four’s musical excellence.

“And every mother’s child is gonna spy…”

The four collaborates on the song impressively.

“To see if reindeers really know how to fly…”

The crowd is amazed as the two girls hit the high note perfectly.

“And so I’m offering a simple phrase…”

Tin and Sands throw a look at each other recognizing the crowd’s appreciation.

“To kids from one to ninety-two…”

The crowd is left speechless in awe.

“Though it’s been said many times, many ways…”

Procopio and Borg stops playing the beats and rhythm on cue.

“Merry Christmas to you…”

Tin and Sands deliver a great finale to the crowd’s delight.

The crowd could not contain themselves anymore and throws a loud clapping and cheering.

Amidst the raucous clamor, Procopio’s group proceeds to the song’s chorus again.

“Do they know that Santa’s on his way?
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh.
And every mother’s child is gonna spy
To see if reindeers really know how to fly.”

Some of the crowd is starting to sing together with the group but they would softly stop upon reaching the high notes.

“And so I’m offering a simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two.
Though it’s been said many times, many ways,
Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

To you.”

Procopio, Borg, Tin and Sands end the song and the crowd goes wild.


Procopio’s Got Talent – Chapter 5 – Nobody’s Perfect

 

It is such a lazy Monday morning – nothing unusual.

Inside the office pantry, Procopio stands unmoving as he stares, without even blinking, at every drop of fine dark liquid dripping into the coffee maker pot. A timid lady officemate with large eyeglasses is slowly about to enter the pantry but she hurriedly leaves the moment he sees Procopio. She is scared to death – having seen an unusually naïve ghost.

A few minutes later, Sands comes in, sees Procopio waiting in front of the coffee maker but nevertheless removes the half-full coffee pot.

“What the hell?!” cries Procopio.

Sands pours all the coffee very slowly inside a large white mug while tauntingly staring at Procopio. Procopio’s jaw drops as she returns the empty coffee pot back.

“So what’s up with the song?” asks Sands.

“Nevermind. Hot chocolate’s a lot better,” answers Procopio.

“I’m asking about your text, dumbass,” says Sands.

“Oh! That one. Nothing,” answers Procopio.

Then Procopio shyly looks away from Sands and proceeds to open several cabinets in search for instant hot chocolate packs. After he has opened all the cabinets, he goes to the fridge and smells the inside for any signs of chocolate. Frustrated, he satisfies himself with a glass of water.

“Chocolate’s sitting on the counter, you know,” says Sands after witnessing Procopio’s amazing display of stupidity.

Delighted to see the thing he has been looking for, Procopio moves to make himself a fine hot chocolate mix.

 

Doog, doog, doog.

 

The two hears sets of heavy steps coming inside the pantry. Procopio holds on tight to the counter as the whole pantry begins to shiver.

Tin enters the pantry carrying a bunch of cookies.

“Fee, fi, fo, fum,” says Sands after seeing Tin.

“I smell the blood of a fat woman,” says Procopio.

After a couple of minutes, the three finds themselves seated in a table sipping their hot beverages and nibbling Tin’s cookies.

“So what’s up with the booty text?” Tin jokingly asks Procopio.

“Say what?” asks Procopio.

“At three in the morning, really?” answers Tin.

“About that,” says Procopio, “I figured out we’ll be doing the acoustic version with me on the vocals and you two witches on the guitars.”

Sands and Tin sip their beverages at the same time while pathetically staring at Procopio.

“Just kidding!” continues Procopio, “You do the vocals and I’ll play the guitar. We’ll start practicing tomorrow. No work for the entire week!”

“You wish!” answers the two girls.

 

XXXXX

 

On their way to their own cubicles, the three passes by Borg’s cubicle and sees him quietly working in front of his laptop.

“Hey Borg!” says the two girls emphatically.

“Hey!” answers Borg in his deep melancholic voice. He flashes a big smile that makes the two girls blush.

Procopio’s eyes go bigger upon seeing Borg’s new shiny black laptop. He suspiciously walks around the laptop and painstakingly inspects it and then loudly exclaims,

“How come you’ve got a laptop?!”

Borg is about to answer but the two girls stand closer in front of him covering Procopio.

“You know how to play the guitar, right?” asks Sands.

“You should totally play for us!” says Tin.

Procopio is having a hard time getting noticed behind the two girls who are covering him. After hearing that the two girls want Borg to replace him as the guitar player, his face turns red in madness. He cannot believe what he has just heard. He gently closes his eyes and slowly packs his lungs with air ready to burst out in scream. And with all his might he shouts,

“WHAT THE HELL?!”

Too bad, Tin and Sands are already several feet walking away from him holding Borg in each of his arms. Procopio gets even more furious seeing the two girls giggling as they talk jovially to Borg.

 

XXXXX

 

Chik, chik, chik.

 

Procopio’s analog desk clock suddenly strikes at three but he’s nowhere to be found. Tin, Sands and Borg’s cubicles sit empty as well. The whole office floor seems busy but not with the usual office work but in preparation of the upcoming Christmas party two weeks from now.

Meanwhile, in a small meeting room around the office corner, a soft angelic voice echoes the following;

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Will help to make the season bright.
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

Do they know that Santa’s on his way?
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh.
And every mother’s child is gonna spy
To see if reindeers really know how to fly.”

 

Afterwards, another voice resonates – but now on a higher pitch and with much more expertise similar to a pro;

 

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Will help to make the season bright.
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

Do they know that Santa’s on his way?
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh.
And every mother’s child is gonna spy
To see if reindeers really know how to fly.”

 

Silence fills the whole room for a minute. Nothing else can be heard aside from the cold air gushing out of the air conditioner.

“Good,” says Procopio.

 


Procopio’s Got Talent – Chapter 4 – The Christmas Song

Click.

Procopio sluggishly opens an email that has just entered his Inbox on a deadening Friday afternoon. An invitation for a small office Christmas party singing contest burst into his screen but nevertheless it did not excite him a bit.

“BO…ring,” says Procopio to himself as he sees a mosaic made up of various internet-downloaded Christmas-related photos mixed up against a black background entitled “Christmas in Our Hearts”. Several details about the party are written below the invitation but Procopio shows no interest in reading them. He switches his screen to a sixty-page document containing a number of lewd stories about sex encounters. His eyes grow big and refuse to blink as he skims through the pages to find the words “Ooooh” and “Aaaah”. With a big smile on his face, he starts to read the moment he finds a group of words that he is eagerly searching for. He is beginning to feel a bit of pleasure inside him when all of a sudden;

“Choco!” shouts Tin.

Procopio quickly hits Alt + Tab and unknowingly switches back to the email invitation about the small office Christmas party singing contest. He swivels around and sees Tin holding a giant red Christmas ball in her hand.

“I didn’t know you’re SOOO interested in that,” says Tin teasingly as she points out the email invitation flashing in Procopio’s computer screen.

“What’s up with the ball?” asks Procopio as he swipes the red Christmas ball off Tin’s hand and looks at his reflection on the side of the ball.

“We’re just dressin’ up our cubes ‘cause we’re not like you, Uncle Scrooge,” says Tin while Procopio is dumbly putting the ball in his mouth and trying to get lain on his belly above his table mimicking a roasted suckling pig.

Tin is about to kick Procopio’s ass when Sands comes in from behind.

“Hey guys! Let’s join the contest! I’ll be the lead singer. Tin, you’ll be the backup vocals,” says Sands deliriously.

“No! I’ll take the lead. You’ll be the backup!” answers Tin.

“No! I’ll take the lead. You’ll be the backup!” answers Sands.

“No! I’ll take the lead. You’ll be the backup!” answers Tin.

“No! I’ll take the lead…because you’re fat!” answers Sands.

The office lights went off for half a second and sparks of electricity flicker between the eyes of the two girls while they intensely look at each other.

“No! I’ll…

“SHUT UP!” screams the two girls even before Procopio finishes what he is about to say.

Tension continues to build up between the two girls as Procopio’s cubicle starts to shake a bit. The pen holder and miniature toys above Procopio’s desk are starting to drift because of the arising earthquake caused by the two girls when the desk clock at the edge of the table strikes at six o’clock.

“Party Time!” says the two girls in chorus and the trembling immediately stops.

During the night, Procopio is having a difficult time sleeping. The bed screeches frequently as he tumbles himself a lot trying to get a good position. He quits after two hours of doing nonsense flipping and decides to snatch his iPod. Then he spends about an hour or so listening to various music genres and sending himself to a sort of trance when he momentarily hits an unplugged version of a popular song;

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”

“Jack Frost nipping at your nose…”

He barely falls down as he blindly reaches for his cell phone sitting on the desk by the side of his bed. Half asleep and half awake, he unknowingly and bizarrely types a message. Procopio instantly falls asleep at the moment he presses

“Send”.